Thoughts on love.

My head reels and my heart never ceases pounding whenever I think of my FIRST love. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that, yes, it's very possible to love more than one man with every ounce of your being. The differences lie within the very same qualities each of those men may possess. In my case, I've married someone that is uncannily similar to the man I've loved for as long as I can remember. I love my husband. I would never even consider leaving him for another man, UNLESS said husband gave me a damn good reason. Would I ever commit adultery while married to this man? Given the opportunity and should I be wanted as well, with the first love, yes I would.

I'm not a bad person. I'm a bitch, I readily admit that to those that think they are hurting my feelings by calling me such a name. My mother recently admitted to me that when people call her a bitch she says, "no, she's in Georgia", no it didn't hurt my feelings that my own mother considers me such. It's who I am, it's what makes ME individual from all the other women out there. I'm not beautiful, I'm not overly witty, I'm most certainly not a saint. I am reasonably attractive, I've a caustic sense of humour, I commit random acts of kindness on a daily basis. I love life and I live vividly.

Back to my husband, he's exactly what I want in a man. He's almost a perfect likeness of the other man. They share the same sign, same colouring, same character of nature and I'll be damned if their names aren't close as well. It was an unintentional act upon my part I assure you. I believe everyone has a soul mate, mine is currently residing in Mississippi although I will spend the rest of my life with the man in Georgia. It's a matter of destiny if you will. My heart belongs to both of them. I would never be able to choose between them and should I ever have to make that decision I have no doubt that I would turn away from them both.
I'm slowly learning to live with these tumultuous emotions that lie so close to the surface that I feel I'm about to drown. It's not easy. Not at all. But, it is possible. I think it's simply a matter of acceptance. The first love and I have not had much luck with crossing paths at opportune times. If I'm married/with someone else, he's not. If he's married/with someone else, I'm not. See? Maybe unconciously I chose my husband because he so much resembles the other man. Maybe not. I do know this. In the next life, the other will be my husband and this one will be the other.